To my dearest Lily,

Doggy here. Ok, here’s the problem. I’m really plump and all that and I know I’m your favourite soft toy but, do you really have to roll on me just when I’m falling asleep. I mean, man you’re like an ELEPHANT to me!

Another problem, when you’re not lying on me, I’m on the floor all lonely and cold. This is the last favour I’m asking, please, please, please take me to the toy doctors. Ten years ago I was the life of the party, all crisp and clean. NOW LOOK AT ME!

Before I forget, say thanks to your mum for washing me once in a while.  Not only that,  she used to try and put the stuffing back in my neck until you forced her to stop. At least she cares about me.  Maybe I should become her soft toy, FW6PPhow would you like that then HMMPH!

From your long suffering friend:

Doggy.